1 twilight暮色-第43部分

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〃Is　that　possible？〃　My　voice　was　faint。　

〃No；　there　are　very　few　ways　we　can　be　killed。〃　

I　opened　my　mouth　to　ask；　but　he　spoke　before　I　could。　

〃So　he　grew　very　hungry；　and　eventually　weak。　He　strayed　as　far　as　he　
could　from　the　human　populace；　recognizing　that　his　willpower　was　
weakening；　too。　For　months　he　wandered　by　night；　seeking　the　loneliest　
places；　loathing　himself。　

〃One　night；　a　herd　of　deer　passed　his　hiding　place。　He　was　so　wild　with　
thirst　that　he　attacked　without　a　thought。　His　strength　returned　and　he　
realized　there　was　an　alternative　to　being　the　vile　monster　he　feared。　
Had　he　not　eaten　venison　in　his　former　life？　Over　the　next　months　his　new　
philosophy　was　born。　He　could　exist　without　being　a　demon。　He　found　
himself　again。　

〃He　began　to　make　better　use　of　his　time。　He'd　always　been　intelligent；　
eager　to　learn。　Now　he　had　unlimited　time　before　him。　He　studied　by　
night；　planned　by　day。　He　swam　to　France　and　—〃　

〃He　swam　to　France？〃　

〃People　swim　the　Channel　all　the　time；　Bella；〃　he　reminded　me　patiently。　

〃That's　true；　I　guess。　It　just　sounded　funny　in　that　context。　Go　on。〃　

〃Swimming　is　easy　for　us　—〃　

〃Everything　is　easy　for　you；〃　I　griped。　

He　waited；　his　expression　amused。　

〃I　won't　interrupt　again；　I　promise。〃　

He　chuckled　darkly；　and　finished　his　sentence。　〃Because；　technically；　we　
don't　need　to　breathe。〃　

〃You　—〃　

〃No；　no；　you　promised。〃　He　laughed；　putting　his　cold　finger　lightly　to　my　
lips。　〃Do　you　want　to　hear　the　story　or　not？〃　

〃You　can't　spring　something　like　that　on　me；　and　then　expect　me　not　to　
say　anything；〃　I　mumbled　against　his　finger。　

He　lifted　his　hand；　moving　it　to　rest　against　my　neck。　The　speed　of　my　
heart　reacted　to　that；　but　I　persisted。　

〃You　don't　have　to　breathe？〃　I　demanded。　

〃No；　it's　not　necessary。　Just　a　habit。〃　He　shrugged。　

〃How　long　can　you　go…　without　breathing？〃　

〃Indefinitely；　I　suppose；　I　don't　know。　It　gets　a　bit　unfortable　—　
being　without　a　sense　of　smell。〃　

〃A　bit　unfortable；〃　I　echoed。　

I　wasn't　paying　attention　to　my　own　expression；　but　something　in　it　made　
him　grow　somber。　His　hand　dropped　to　his　side　and　he　stood　very　still；　
his　eyes　intent　on　my　face。　The　silence　lengthened。　His　features　were　
immobile　as　stone。　

〃What　is　it？〃　I　whispered；　touching　his　frozen　face。　

His　face　softened　under　my　hand；　and　he　sighed。　〃I　keep　waiting　for　it　to　
happen。〃　

〃For　what　to　happen？〃　

〃I　know　that　at　some　point；　something　I　tell　you　or　something　you　see　is　
going　to　be　too　much。　And　then　you'll　run　away　from　me；　screaming　as　you　
go。〃　He　smiled　half　a　smile；　but　his　eyes　were　serious。　〃I　won't　stop　

you。　I　want　this　to　happen；　because　I　want　you　to　be　safe。　And　yet；　I　
want　to　be　with　you。　The　two　desires　are　impossible　to　reconcile…〃　He　
trailed　off；　staring　at　my　face。　Waiting。　

〃I'm　not　running　anywhere；〃　I　promised。　

〃We'll　see；〃　he　said；　smiling　again。　

I　frowned　at　him。　〃So；　go　on　—　Carlisle　was　swimming　to　France。〃　

He　paused；　getting　back　into　his　story。　Reflexively；　his　eyes　flickered　
to　another　picture　—　the　most　colorful　of　them　all；　the　most　ornately　
framed；　and　the　largest；　it　was　twice　as　wide　as　the　door　it　hung　next　
to。　The　canvas　overflowed　with　bright　figures　in　swirling　robes；　writhing　
around　long　pillars　and　off　marbled　balconies。　I　couldn't　tell　if　it　
represented　Greek　mythology；　or　if　the　characters　floating　in　the　clouds　
above　were　meant　to　be　biblical。　

〃Carlisle　swam　to　France；　and　continued　on　through　Europe；　to　the　
universities　there。　By　night　he　studied　music；　science；　medicine　—　and　
found　his　calling；　his　penance；　in　that；　in　saving　human　lives。〃　His　
expression　became　awed；　almost　reverent。　〃I　can't　adequately　describe　the　
struggle；　it　took　Carlisle　two　centuries　of　torturous　effort　to　perfect　
his　selfcontrol。　Now　he　is　all　but　immune　to　the　scent　of　human　blood；　
and　he　is　able　to　do　the　work　he　loves　without　agony。　He　finds　a　great　
deal　of　peace　there；　at　the　hospital…〃　Edward　stared　off　into　space　for　a　
long　moment。　Suddenly　he　seemed　to　recall　his　purpose。　He　tapped　his　
finger　against　the　huge　painting　in　front　of　us。　

〃He　was　studying　in　Italy　when　he　discovered　the　others　there。　They　were　
much　more　civilized　and　educated　than　the　wraiths　of　the　London　sewers。〃　

He　touched　a　paratively　sedate　quartet　of　figures　painted　on　the　
highest　balcony；　looking　down　calmly　on　the　mayhem　below　them。　I　examined　
the　grouping　carefully　and　realized；　with　a　startled　laugh；　that　I　
recognized　the　goldenhaired　man。　

〃Solimena　was　greatly　inspired　by　Carlisle's　friends。　He　often　painted　
them　as　gods；〃　Edward　chuckled。　〃Aro；　Marcus；　Caius；〃　he　said；　indicating　
the　other　three；　two　blackhaired；　one　snowywhite。　〃Nighttime　patrons　of　
the　arts。〃　

〃What　happened　to　them？〃　I　wondered　aloud；　my　fingertip　hovering　a　
centimeter　from　the　figures　on　the　canvas。　

〃They're　still　there。〃　He　shrugged。　〃As　they　have　been　for　who　knows　how　
many　millennia。　Carlisle　stayed　with　them　only　for　a　short　time；　just　a　
few　decades。　He　greatly　admired　their　civility；　their　refinement；　but　
they　persisted　in　trying　to　cure　his　aversion　to　'his　natural　food　
source；'　as　they　called　it。　They　tried　to　persuade　him；　and　he　tried　to　
persuade　them；　to　no　avail。　At　that　point；　Carlisle　decided　to　try　the　
New　World。　He　dreamed　of　finding　others　like　himself。　He　was　very　lonely；　
you　see。　

〃He　didn't　find　anyone　for　a　long　time。　But；　as　monsters　became　the　stuff　
of　fairy　tales；　he　found　he　could　interact　with　unsuspecting　humans　as　if　
he　were　one　of　them。　He　began　practicing　medicine。　But　the　panionship　
he　craved　evaded　him；　he　couldn't　risk　familiarity。　

〃When　the　influenza　epidemic　hit；　he　was　working　nights　in　a　hospital　in　
Chicago。　He'd　been　turning　over　an　idea　in　his　mind　for　several　years；　
and　he　had　almost　decided　to　act　—　since　he　couldn't　find　a　panion；　he　
would　create　one。　He　wasn't　absolutely　sure　how　his　own　transformation　
had　occurred；　so　he　was　hesitant。　And　he　was　loath　to　steal　anyone's　life　
the　way　his　had　been　stolen。　It　was　in　that　frame　of　mind　that　he　found　
me。　There　was　no　hope　for　me；　I　was　left　in　a　ward　with　the　dying。　He　had　
nursed　my　parents；　and　knew　I　was　alone。　He　decided　to　try…〃　

His　voice；　nearly　a　whisper　now；　trailed　off。　He　stared　unseeingly　
through　the　west　windows。　I　wondered　which　images　filled　his　mind　now；　
Carlisle's　memories　or　his　own。　I　waited　quietly。　

When　he　turned　back　to　me；　a　gentle　angel's　smile　lit　his　expression。　

〃And　so　we've　e　full　circle；〃　he　concluded。　

〃Have　you　always　stayed　with　Carlisle；　then？〃　I　wondered。　

〃Almost　always。〃　He　put　his　hand　lightly　on　my　waist　and　pulled　me　with　
him　as　he　walked　through　the　door。　I　stared　back　at　the　wall　of　pictures；　
wondering　if　I　would　ever　get　to　hear　the　other　stories。　

Edward　didn't　say　any　more　as　we　walked　down　the　hall；　so　I　asked；　
〃Almost？〃　

He　sighed；　seeming　reluctant　to　answer。　〃Well；　I　had　a　typical　bout　of　
rebellious　adolescence　—　about　ten　years　after　I　was…　born…　created；　
whatever　you　want　to　call　it。　I　wasn't　sold　on　his　life　of　abstinence；　
and　I　resented　him　for　curbing　my　appetite。　So　I　went　off　on　my　own　for　a　
time。〃　

〃Really？〃　I　was　intrigued；　rather　than　frightened；　as　I　perhaps　should　
have　been。　

He　could　tell。　I　vaguely　realized　that　we　were　headed　up　the　next　flight　
of　stairs；　but　I　wasn't　paying　much　attention　to　my　surroundings。　

〃That　doesn't　repulse　you？〃　

〃No。〃　

〃Why　not？〃　

〃I　guess…　it　sounds　reasonable。〃　

He　barked　a　laugh；　more　loudly　than　before。　We　were　at　the　top　of　the　
stairs　now；　in　another　paneled　hallway。　

〃From　the　time　of　my　new　birth；〃　he　murmured；　〃I　had　the　advantage　of　
knowing　what　everyone　around　me　was　thinking；　both　human　and　nonhuman　
alike。　That's　why　it　took　me　ten　years　to　defy　Carlisle　—　I　could　read　
his　perfect　sincerity；　understand　exactly　why　he　lived　the　way　he　did。　

〃It　took　me　only　a　few　years　to　return　to　Carlisle　and　remit　to　his　
vision。　I　thought　I　would　be　exempt　from　the…　depression…　that　
acpanies　a　conscience。　Because　I　knew　the　thoughts　of　my　prey；　I　could　
pass　over　the　innocent　and　pursue　only　the　evil。　If　I　followed　a　murderer　
down　a　dark　alley　where　he　stalked　a　young　girl　—　if　I　saved　her；　then　
surely　I　wasn't　so　terrible。〃　

I　shivered；　imagining　only　too　clearly　what　he　described　—　the　alley　at　
night；　the　frightened　girl；　the　dark　man　behind　her。　And　Edward；　Edward　
as　he　hunted；　terrible　and　glorious　as　a　young　god；　unstoppable。　Would　
she　have　been　grateful；　that　girl；　or　more　frightened　than　before？　

〃But　as　time　went　on；　I　began　to　see　the　monster　in　my　eyes。　I　couldn't　
escape　the　debt　of　so　much　human　life　taken；　no　matter　how　justified。　And　
I　went　back　to　Carlisle　and　Esme。　They　weled　me　back　like　the　
prodigal。　It　was　more　than　I　deserved。〃　

We'd　e　to　a　stop　in　front　of　the　last　door　in　the　hall。　

〃My　room；〃　he　informed　me；　opening　it　and　pulling　me　through。　

His　room　faced　south；　with　a　wallsized　window　like　the　great　room　below。　
The　whole　back　side　of　the　house　must　be　glass。　His　view　looked　down　on　
the　winding　Sol　Duc　River；　across　the　untouched　forest　to　the　Olympic　
Mountain　range。　The　mountains　were　much　closer　than　I　would　have　believed。　

The　western　wall　was　pletely　covered　with　shelf　after　shelf　of　CDs。　
His　room　was　better　stocked　than　a　music　store。　In　the　corner　was　a　
sophisticatedlooking　sound　system；　the　kind　I　was　afraid　to　touch　
because　I'd　be　sure　to　break　something。　There　was　no　bed；　only　a　wide　and　
inviting　black　leather　sofa。　The　floor　was　covered　with　a　thick　golden　

carpet；　and　the　walls　were　hung　with　heavy　fabric　in　a　slightly　darker　
shade。　

〃Good　acoustics？〃　I　guessed。　

He　chuckled　and　nodded。　

He　picked　up　a　remote　and　turned　the　stereo　on。　It　was　quiet；　but　the　
soft　jazz　number　sounded　like　the　band　was　in　the　room　with　us。　I　went　to　
look　at　his　mindboggling　music　collection。　

〃How　do　you　have　these　organized？〃　I　asked；　unable　to　find　any　rhyme　or　
reason　to　the　titles。　

He　wasn't　paying　attention。　

〃Ummm；　by　year；　and　then　by　personal　preference　within　that　frame；〃　he　
said　absently。　

I　turned；　and　he　was　looking　at　me　with　a　peculiar　expression　in　his　eyes。　

〃What？〃　

〃I　was　prepared　to　feel…　relieved。　Having　you　know　about　everything；　not　
needing　to　keep　secrets　from　you。　But　I　didn't　expect　to　feel　more　than　
that。　I　like　it。　It　makes　me…　happy。〃　He　shrugged；　smiling　slightly。　

〃I'm　glad；〃　I　said；　smiling　back。　I'd　worried　that　he　might　regret　
telling　me　these　things。　It　was　good　to　know　that　wasn't　the　case。　

But　then；　as　his　eyes　dissected　my　expression；　his　smile　faded　and　his　
forehead　creased。　

〃You're　still　waiting　for　the　running　and　the　screaming；　aren't　you？〃　I　
guessed。　

A　faint　smile　touched　his　lips；　and　he　nodded。　

〃I　hate　to　burst　your　bubble；　but　you're　really　not　as　scary　as　you　think　
you　are。　I　don't　find　you　scary　at　all；　actually；〃　I　lied　casually。　

He　stopped；　raising　his　eyebrows　in　blatant　disbelief。　Then　he　flashed　a　
wide；　wicked　smile。　

〃You